Monthly Archives: October 2010

I’m a 30 year old virgin. With lots of questions about sex. Help?

I grew up 100% believer.  About 2 years ago I started asking questions. I have now decided that there are many points where I totally disagree with the church, but I still see good in it…I haven’t completely figured out where I stand in terms of activity and so on…and I’m okay with that.

The biggest issue I have right now pertains to sex.  I’ve never had sex. I have a boyfriend who is fantastic, and we’re in love. He never pushes me–totally respects my boundaries. I want to have sex with him. But I have a gnawing sense of guilt over this issue.

Does sin exist? If so, who decides what sin is–who defines evil? Who can tell me if I’m right or wrong? Is it God, is it me? If I do give it all away–am I going to hell? Does sharing love with someone you care about make you evil?

Beyond the idea of sin, there is the question of what is healthy and unhealthy for a relationship…Is this best for our future happiness? Or is it healthier to wait?  In my perfect Mormon family sex was never talked about. I wasn’t even allowed to go to sex ed. I had to learn about it from reading the encyclopedia. Now I’m having these questions…and don’t know where to find answers.

One day I’ll feel great about giving it all away, and the next day I’ll feel guilt over it. What gives? Do you know?



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Filed under faith transition, Women

I’m a SAHM in Utah Valley, and I want to meet some non-LDS friends. Help?

I’m an active Mormon and, as much as I hate to admit it, I would say that 95% of my social network is LDS. I’d really like to change this for a number of reasons. For one, it can never hurt to have more friends, right? For two, I think it would be healthy to associate with people who are different from me–to get new ideas and new world perspectives. I’m not interested in converting anyone–just genuine friendship. Another reason is that, while some of my fondest and closest relationships have been with my fellow Mormons, I’ve started to feel like more of a social outsider because of my increasingly liberal political views (at least ever since moving back to Utah).

However, there are a couple of obstacles for me.  One is that I’m an introvert. I’m not shy, but I don’t make friends easily and I feel socially awkward around strangers. Another problem is that I’m a stay-at-home mom with two kids under 3. Between naptimes and feedings, it’s difficult to get out of the house and be social sometimes. And, of course, there’s the fact that I live in Utah County. It just seems like there are less people of other faiths to rub shoulders with here.

One fear I have is whether or not I could even be able to relate to someone who isn’t a Mormon. Will I be able to understand them? Will they be able to understand me? Is more than a superficial friendship even possible?

Really looking forward to your perspectives,

RA in Utah County

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Filed under Utah

I’m supposed to go to BYU-Idaho this January, but I’m getting cold feet. Help?

I am planning to go to BYU-Idaho in January, or was until I realized that not only will I be going to church every Sunday with perfect strangers but also going to devotional, taking religion classes, and going to family home evening EVERY WEEK.  It will be hard…but for me, maybe even impossible. I like the good social gathering just as much as the next gal, but I’m afraid the push toward conformity will be too much to take. I feel stupid for thinking of changing my plans now, since the whole decision to go to BYU-I has been one of much thought, and prayer. It’s taken time for me to get here; how can I make a decision to go somewhere else so fast?! I want to go to a college where I will fit in and feel at home, grow spiritually and socially, and excel academically. I don’t think I should have to worry about changing who I am. Please help me find a happy middle ground where I will feel I fit in by being just who I am, and don’t have to change a thing.


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Filed under BYU, young women

I’m willing to serve as bishop. But I’m no political organizer. What should I do if the Church undertakes another Proposition 8 campaign?

A few years ago my family moved from an area with a large cadre of able Priesthood leaders to an area where the leadership is spread much thinner.  I found myself being called to more central ward leadership positions, which has been a great opportunity for growth.  Our Bishop is nearing the end of the typical Bishop term and I find myself concerned that I could be on a list of potential candidates for a future Bishop calling.  I am not saying that I am on the top of the list, by any means, and certainly have faith that the right man for the job (not me) will be called.

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Filed under proposition 8