Greetings, readers, and welcome back to Ask Mormon Girl, your source for unorthodox answers to questions about contemporary Mormon life. This week’s query is a spicy one: a warm-up for your Valentine’s Day weekend, perhaps?
Dear Ask Mormon Girl,
I’m a fairly average non-LDS guy. Recently, a Mormon girl and myself have begun something close to a relationship. By close, I mean we confide in each other, and occasionally make out. Now, when we make out, it gets pretty intense. I respect this girl too much to push her towards the same level of intimacy that I have had with other girls. Because of this respect, I don’t know where to put myself when in these intimate moments. I know “petting” is prohibited, but so is making out and that hasn’t seemed to be an issue with this girl, and based on the temperature of our steamy kissing, I’m not sure what she wants… or where to put my hands. But I know I don’t want to keep my hands on the back of her head or in a weird, unromantic hug-like position, floating behind her back. What do I do?! How do I effectively keep her comfortable in these moments, while still respecting her boundaries and maintaining the same level of passion?
Congratulations on discovering one of the world’s great secrets: many Mormons are truly amazing kissers. And this I know not only by experience but by reports from non-LDS friends who have dated Mormons. “Amazing!” they report. Why? For Mormons, kissing is not just some forlorn waystation on the way to a glorious destination. Oh, no. For most unmarried Mormon folks, kissing is the destination! It’s not Beaver, UT or Barstow, CA; it’s Viva Las Vegas!
I can tell this strange new world of Mormon intimacy with its many finely demarcated and forbidden zones is a bit puzzling. There’s a scene in the movie Age of Innocence (based on the Edith Wharton novel) where Daniel Day Lewis unbuttons Michelle Pfeiffer’s glove: simply unbuttons a glove, I tell you, and it takes the breath away. That’s how it can be in our world. I remember how kids in my stake used to give each other these hourslong backrubs and facerubs and armrubs in the dark back seats of the bus on the way home from Youth Conference. There was this one guy named Mike who really liked the band Dokken. Never kissed him. But the facerubs? Sigh. . . .
But I digress. Look, many Mormon youth leaders inveigh against French kissing or making out, but lots and lots of Mormon kids do it and don’t worry about it. Petting is a different story. And the only way to find out how your Mormon girl feels about all of this and what she truly wants is to ask her directly. I hate to break it to you, but if you’re developing emotional and physical intimacy with this person—and if you care enough to write to AMG for advice (very thoughtful of you!)– you’re not in “something close to a relationship.” You are totally in a relationship. So talk with your Mormon girl. Tell her exactly what you told me: “I really like you, and I really like making out with you. I respect you, and I want to respect your standards. I want you to tell me what’s okay and what’s not. Please be clear with me. You will not hurt my feelings.” Because here’s another of the world’s great secrets: open, honest, respectful communication is not only good for a relationship; it can also take the breath away.
Okay, readers, it’s your turn. What additional advice do you have for “L”? And am I the only one who believes Mormons may be among the world’s best kissers? Discuss! Follow askmormongirl on Twttier, and send your question to firstname.lastname@example.org.