My husband and I resigned our LDS Church membership last month. Should I get rebaptized?

Dear AMG:

I find myself traveling a wildly confusing path. My husband has taught seminary for the Church since the day we graduated from BYU. The first week of August this year, he resigned his position after we both realized the orthodox approach to religion we’d both so publicly preached and represented was full of holes and a good many fallacies.

A week after his resignation went through, we resigned from the Church. We did this quickly, stemming from a desire for integrity. We’d always stood for that which we believed, we didn’t want the youth taught and nurtured by our example feeling confused in any way by our obvious lack of attendance at church. Two weeks later, in the throes of absolute torment, in a place somewhere between asleep and awake, I feel God offered me connections that clearly taught the power of some of the Church’s teachings. I woke with a clear realization that we’d done wrong in completely cutting ourselves off from the Church. So, this week, we are packing the house and moving from beautiful Colorado Springs to the great basin of Utah to get our children close to family and try to sort some of this faith transition out.

We’ve met with general authorities, bishop, and stake president, all of whom want to see us rebaptized as soon as possible. In one breath, we want to do it. We want to please all of these good people around us whom we love so dearly. In the very same breath, we hesitate. Because we’re not the same. We don’t believe the same. We may not ever want to return to garment-wearing, temple attending life. But, there’s not a darned thing we want to change as far as our lifestyle. We believe in all of the teachings of the church that fully support a strong moral code (excepting a few, like the current views & politics toward the LGBT community). We want our children to love and embrace all of the good of their LDS heritage. Heck, we even want them to be baptized members of the church (if they so desire, and even this choice is becoming a struggle for our 13-year old, who struggles immensely with so many of the concepts of the church which seem to entirely defy current scientific understandings). So, our question is, do we hurry and rebaptize everyone to right the hasty decision we made to resign from the Church? Do we return to the temple as ones who see so much good in the Church, while still not fully believing in many of the ordinances (and maybe prophets and maybe even the actual historicity of the Book of Mormon?) And I don’t even know where to START in what to teach my children about some of the doctrines, though I hope so entirely they’ll be able to accept and love all of the good, beautiful, truly inspiring aspects of our church/ethnicity/history.

MD

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I’m at a tricky spot in my religious life, and I’ve let my temple recommend expire. Now, my best friend is getting married in the temple. Help?

Dear AMG,

I was born and raised in a fairly orthodox Mormon household in Southern California. My parents are still active, but three out of their five children are not (I’m counting myself as one of the “active” ones). I married an LDS man in the temple, but he has since left the church. His questions led me to question and now I’m not entirely sure what I believe. I attend a few Sacrament Meetings a month, but don’t hold a calling or pay tithing, and basically fly under the radar at church. My temple recommend expired this last May. My brothers’ inactivity has been pretty hard on my parents. As was my husband’s decision to leave. I consider my parents to be pretty open-minded, and they’ve always been very loving and accepting, but I know they are saddened by this on a daily basis.

This brings me to my current predicament—my best friend will soon be getting married in the temple and I have to make some choices. I have been pretty quiet about my questions about the Church. I don’t live near my childhood friends or family, so it hasn’t been very hard, but I am absolutely dreading this wedding which will be held in my hometown. I will either have to A) go talk to my bishop, be honest about my situation, start paying tithing, and see if he still decides to give me a recommend, or B) be honest with my parents, siblings, and friends about the fact that I don’t know if the Church is true and make everyone sad and upset. I don’t think either option is very palatable. The thought of feeling like I let parents down is heartbreaking, as is the thought going to the temple when I feel this way. I don’t know what to do.

I would love to hear any advice you may have.

Thanks,

K.