Monthly Archives: May 2012

A thank you to AMG readers, from the Mormon mother of a 12 year-old daughter attracted to girls.

Dear AMG readers:  This post is for you.  It’s a letter from the mother who sent in last week’s query:  “My 12 year-old daughter says she is attracted to girls.  What’s a Mormon mother to do?”  Please read.

I found myself weeping first through your tender merciful words, then the truly insightful reader comments. I truly hadn’t anticipated that at all. Of course there were I few I could have done without, but I had expected that. But most of them were so helpful, and brought so much experience and knowledge. I myself at the moment have felt that even with my sincerest efforts I am simply just grappling alone in the dark with this, until this past week that is. Its amazing the difference that knowing you aren’t the only one dealing with a situation like this makes to coping. Your readers are just extradordinary, and way above the usual level of internet commentary and should be commended for it. 

I really wanted to share with you is the experience I had with sharing this all with my sweet daughter. I made a decision to show her my letter and your response, and selected some of the best comments for her to read. She wept as she read your account with your father. She related on a deep level with your struggle and we had a long talk about that, and that parallel with Abraham and Isaac. Afterwards she read the reader comments I selected and was especially touched and surprised that strangers took so much time to respond with so much love and support, and found her brave for standing up for who she was. She was purely radiant at that moment. For a mother who has watched her a daughter battle daily with self-image, and seen her literally look in the mirror and say,”I wish I was anyone but me.” It was one of the best days of a mother’s life to see her totally assured of herself, feel so loved, and for once not so very alone in the world. Thank you seems not enough, but thank you from the bottom of my heart…and also please thank your readers who have done more than they could imagine for one little girl at a cross roads, and the mother who loves her more than life. 

Thank you, readers, for being so attentive, and tender, and thoughtful.  Good things happen here at AMG.  You are the reason why.



Filed under social connectedness

My 12 year old daughter says she is attracted to girls. What is a Mormon mom to do?

I have a daughter who is 12 going on 20, and is the most amazing, brilliant, and wonderful girl. She recently told me that she is quite certain that she is attracted to girls and always has been. I was shocked mostly because I didn’t think she was old enough to really be attracted to anyone! Well, not really, but she is still so young I was very surprised that she was so definite.

I am worried for her though. My family on both sides comes from serious pioneer stock. Our family’s sense of identity is deeply rooted in the church. I have somewhat parted ways with the strict orthodoxy that nearly all of my family still lives by. I am so happy that my daughter knew that she could trust me enough to tell me something so personal and difficult. But I don’t know what this means for her. She is finding Young Women’s more and more difficult. Lessons about the temple are particularly painful, and my heart aches as I watch her cry. 

What should I do?


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Filed under family, lgbt, parenting

It really hurts to revisit my past. Do I have to tell the bishop everything?

Dear AMG:

I am a 26 year old California-grown Mormon girl.  I struggled with personal anxiety and depression issues throughout my young womanhood which caused me to stray from the church and live a much more “worldly” existence.  I left the church completely after I graduated from BYUI in 2009, and never really anticipated returning.

I went from a social drinker, to a binge drinker, to the beginning stages of an alcoholic, which led me to AA, (in which there was NO getting around this God character whatsoever).  I put my heart into the program because I really wanted this disease that was plaguing me to be gone and I knew I couldn’t use my own strong self-control to fight this demon.  I tried for years.  Going to AA actually led me back to reading the scriptures and praying and eventually to church. I have found this peace that I have sought everywhere in the world for and could never find.  I have been so excited to actually want to attend the temple and possibly get married there.

I met for the first time with my bishop last Sunday and after I felt like absolute crap. The spiritual high I have been riding was cut off as he alluded to the fact that I need to come clean for every single sin that has not been forgiven.  I had years and years of living in the world and don’t even remember so many terrible things I have done. When he told me this I broke down.  I feel like he is wanting me to go backwards and delve into a past I have left in the past and have tried to move on from.  I feel like it would be necessary for me to go that route had I been attending church or taking the sacrament when I shouldn’t have been.  I am so torn about this and I really do not feel it is necessary for me to reveal all that I did in my time of apostasy to be forgiven and prepare for the temple.

I don’t feel a sense of guilt for a majority of the things I have done because they led me to where I am today. 

Do you have any advice?

Thank you,


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Filed under coming back