[It’s Sunday night in the month of “Manuary”—the month my host blog at FeministMormonHousewives.org lets men run the show. And even though this is sacred basketball time, Mr. Mormon Girl is putting his shoulder to the wheel and pitching in. Which means, AMG is taking dictation as Mr. MG watches ESPN.]
Dear Mr Mormon Girl:
What is it like for someone not of the faith to be married to a Mormon with a public profile? Not just a Mormon, because that is complicated enough, but a Mormon in the public eye too . . . and a woman who has a full life of travel. I like to travel, attend conferences for work and fun and meet as many MoFems as I can. My husband is nowhere near as social as I am and he sometimes resents the intrusion into our life. How do you find a balance? What works for you?
This week, the AMG inbox was abuzz with messages from readers with love and marriage on the brain. The first is a young man we’ll call Mormon Skater, a cousin, perhaps to the Mormon hipster made famous of late in a rather silly article from The New York Times.
Here’s what’s on his mind:
Utah is supposed to be the proverbial land of plenty for any returned missionary seeking a wife with whom to spend time and all eternity, and trust me when I say that upon returning from my mission (in Kobe, Japan) I fully expected the skies to open, inundating me with potential brides to be. All I’ve found in the three years since my homecoming, however, are wards full of girls that I’m mostly not interested in and who I feel are generally disinterested in me.
Upon returning to the land of the living I quickly grew out my hair, sprouted a beard, and slipped back into my collection of punk rock t-shirts, skater shoes, and slightly sagging pants. That pure sheen that accompanied me from the plane back to America quickly faded, and now most who look at me might doubt I’m even Mormon let alone one with a strong testimony who relatively recently served an honorable mission. This persona has served to attract a fair number of girls from outside the church, but my desire to marry in the temple and raise an LDS family has largely kept me from being overly attracted to or interested in starting a serious relationship with any of them.
Maybe it’s naive of me to think that there might be a female counterpart to myself among the strict Mormon ladies of northern Utah… might I be better served by getting a hair cut and a shave, and becoming more like the clean cut guys who I constantly see gracing the insides of the conference issues of the Ensign? Or perhaps I should get off of my high horse and give some of the not member girls who actually seem to like me a chance.
Filed under Love, marriage
Greetings, readers, and welcome back to Ask Mormon Girl, your source for unorthodox answers to questions about contemporary Mormon life. This week’s query is a spicy one: a warm-up for your Valentine’s Day weekend, perhaps?
Dear Ask Mormon Girl,
I’m a fairly average non-LDS guy. Recently, a Mormon girl and myself have begun something close to a relationship. By close, I mean we confide in each other, and occasionally make out. Now, when we make out, it gets pretty intense. I respect this girl too much to push her towards the same level of intimacy that I have had with other girls. Because of this respect, I don’t know where to put myself when in these intimate moments. I know “petting” is prohibited, but so is making out and that hasn’t seemed to be an issue with this girl, and based on the temperature of our steamy kissing, I’m not sure what she wants… or where to put my hands. But I know I don’t want to keep my hands on the back of her head or in a weird, unromantic hug-like position, floating behind her back. What do I do?! How do I effectively keep her comfortable in these moments, while still respecting her boundaries and maintaining the same level of passion?
Filed under kissing, Love
[It’s the best of Ask Mormon Girl this week, folks. Enjoy one of my favorites.]
Dear Ask Mormon Girl:
I’m a 36 year-old single Mormon woman facing a real struggle. Basically, I’ve spent my whole life checking things off the list: graduate Primary, Personal Progress, graduate Seminary, go to BYU, go on a mission, fulfill callings, pay tithing, and so on thinking that doing all of that would yield what I wanted most: a family. God provides husbands to the good people: I don’t have one, so I must not be good. I recognize that this is incredibly flawed logic, but it’s how I feel. What makes matters worse is that my ward isn’t a great place for women like me. I’m not invited to get-togethers, not included in conversations. My bishop admitted the ward didn’t really know “how to deal with me,” since I am single and have no kids. Lately, it’s been all I can do to drag myself to Church, and sometimes I just want to take a hiatus. Help?
Dear Ask Mormon Girl:
I am sure I will never find a Mormon guy who will make me happy, to marry in the temple. I am 20 years old, I’m not out of time, but I have a lot of problems with church and marriage in general. I was told all my life to accept it as the truth with no questioning, and that if you do everything “right” then you’ll be happy no matter what. I found that my parents never really were happy and when my dad came out of the closet, and my parents divorced, it proved me right, that doing what’s “right” doesn’t make you “happy.” I feel pressure to date only guys who are Mormons even though a Mormon guy wouldn’t understand me very well. I don’t have a very good “testimony” of the church, but honestly I would still like to get married in the temple, to an upstanding guy. I’m just not sure how to get there without denying my true feelings about men who think they’re “over” their wives, who expect their wives to fit the homemaker mold, and my feelings that marriage can’t work even, and especially, when founded on the teachings of the Mormon church.