Last October, I received a query from “HK” who was getting cold feet about her recent decision to attend BYU-Idaho. “I’m afraid the push towards conformity will be too much to take,” HK wrote. I encouraged HK to study her own mind and urged her to envision some alternatives for herself. BYU-I might in fact be a good experience, I wrote, but no one should choose a college by default.
Well, few weeks ago, another letter from HK arrived in the AMG mailbox. Here it is:
I did end up going to BYU-Idaho, and my roommates talk about marriage ALL.THE.TIME. I hear the word marriage about 10 million times a day; on campus, and everywhere. I am taking a marriage class because I want to learn some of the good things that can increase the chance of having a good marriage, but I am not obssessed with the idea, nor do I want to be. I am trying SO HARD to live my life and progress without living in that mindset of needing a man. How can I ignore everyone around me thinking like that? It makes me feel very negative. I am starting to be constantly annoyed, and I can’t live like that. What can I do?
Last time you wrote, a loyal AMG reader sent in the following comment:
“HK, if you follow Ask Mormon Girl and you’re not even in college yet, I don’t think you’re going to love BYU-I. You are obviously really smart and this is a priceless opportunity to love, love, love college. If you’re willing to be a little different because you’re Mormon, I think it’s time to apply to Smith or Yale or UCLA. Keep us posted because we know you have a big bright future.”
And you know what? She was 100% right. I really should have been firmer with you, HK. I shouldn’t have kindly suggested that you consider other alternatives. I should have written in ALL CAPS. Because over the course of our epistolary relationship, HK, I’m learning that you’re an ALL CAPS kind of gal. So here is my ALL CAPS message to you.
REXBURG, IDAHO IS NO PLACE FOR YOU. DROP YOUR MARRIAGE CLASS. PACK YOUR BAGS. AND START LOOKING FOR A NEW SCHOOL.
(Exhale. Sorry, readers: I know this is hard on the eyes, but I can’t get through to HK without it.)
YOU MUST STOP LETTING OTHER PEOPLE MAKE YOUR CHOICES FOR YOU AND THEN KVETCHING ABOUT THE OUTCOMES.
YOU MUST MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEM.
(Phew. Okay. Just a few lines more.)
YOU ARE DIFFERENT. OTHER PEOPLE’S ANSWERS ARE NOT GOING TO WORK FOR YOU. NEVER. EVER. EVER.
ARE YOU GOING TO SPEND THIS ONE BEAUTIFUL LIFE OF YOURS EATING BAD PIZZA AND WATCHING RENTAL VIDEOS IN SNOWBOUND IDAHO APARTMENTS WITH LADIES WAITING ON PRINCE CHARMING?
OR ARE YOU GOING TO STOP WAITING AND BUST YOURSELF OUT OF REXBURG?
(Big finish here, readers. Almost done.)
TO QUOTE A FAMOUS NUN (WHO OBVIOUSLY KNEW SOMETHING ABOUT LIVING WITHOUT THE MINDSET OF NEEDING A MAN) : CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN. FORD EVERY STREAM. FOLLOW EVERY RAINBOW. TIL. YOU. FIND. YOUR. DREAM.
OR DIE UNSATISFIED.
LATHER, RINSE, REREAD.
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